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Post by bloominglife on Jun 7, 2003 23:30:04 GMT -5
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.
Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 9, 2003 3:19:04 GMT -5
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats great.  |
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Post by Teh Mon on Jun 9, 2003 3:24:50 GMT -5
Hahaha...how did I look over this last night?! I read that a while ago. It's still funny the 2nd time, though! |
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 9, 2003 17:56:35 GMT -5
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe  |
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Post by bloominglife on Jun 10, 2003 16:43:17 GMT -5
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!" The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 10, 2003 16:46:33 GMT -5
LOL!!!!!!! Nasty smell though. I feel sorry for the other lady  |
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Post by bloominglife on Jun 11, 2003 0:47:00 GMT -5
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attach her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong is you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condonmize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While your undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
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Post by Teh Mon on Jun 11, 2003 0:47:55 GMT -5
LOL!!! |
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Post by bloominglife on Jun 11, 2003 0:48:15 GMT -5
A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy. The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mum, and ask her what he should do about it. He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom" she says. "I did" he says. "She told me that if i could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 11, 2003 1:11:48 GMT -5
LOL!!!!!! Wouldnt be funny if that really happened in class. I would have been cracking up like a mofo!  |
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Post by bloominglife on Jun 11, 2003 1:31:33 GMT -5
Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name were Penis?
* My Penis ate my homework.
* Oh, no! My Penis is frothing at the mouth!
* Sorry I'm late. I was playing with my Penis.
* I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep my Penis on a leash.
* My Penis doesn't come when I call it.
* My Penis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
* I love giving my Penis a bath.
* At night, I sleep with my Penis in my hands.
* My Penis likes it when people pet him.
* My Penis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
* Playing with my Penis really wears me out.
* Would you like to see a picture of my Penis?
* Sometimes I wake up, and my Penis is already active.
* I think my Penis has a mind of its own.
* I keep a picture of my Penis in my wallet.
* Whenever I get lost, my Penis points me in the right direction.
* I think my Penis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
* My Penis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.
* If my Penis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.
* My Penis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
* Help! I can't find my Penis!
* Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for my Penis.
* My Penis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.
* Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take my Penis to the hospital.
* Oh. no! Something bit my Penis!
* Watch it or you'll step on my Penis.
* Stop kicking my Penis.
* My Penis is truly man's best friend.
* Beware of my Penis. He's carrying a disease.
* People say my Penis looks cute lying down, but even better when standing at attention.
* My Penis: the crotch-sniffer.
* There's nothing like a well-trained bitch for my Penis.
* I've trained my Penis to jump through hoops.
* My Penis always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.
* Excuse me, I need a muzzle for my Penis.
* Sorry I'm late, but my Penis kept me up howling all night
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Post by Teh Mon on Jun 11, 2003 2:03:04 GMT -5
LMAO!!! OMG!!!!
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 11, 2003 2:05:03 GMT -5
That makes me want to go right out get a dog and try it for myself to see what people say!!!  |
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Post by Teh Mon on Jun 11, 2003 2:16:41 GMT -5
or you could get a cat and name it pussy.  |
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Post by Evanescence Freak on Jun 11, 2003 2:17:52 GMT -5
LOL!!!!!!! I think my two cats would be a lil mad. ;D
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